If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
