apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
