I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
