I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
In other news, I just burned my penis
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
