I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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