I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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