I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
