After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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