That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize