If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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