apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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