I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's official drugs can't kill me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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