I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
