hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
