why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize