I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
