Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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