i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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