I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
