Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
