I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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