Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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