Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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