I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
