I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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