Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
