I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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