The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I intend to get homeless drunk
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
