Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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