i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
