I'm gonna have a badass scar
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
