the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize