i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
