didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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