Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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