sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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