Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
