I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
