never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
