The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize