you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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