Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
