It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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