they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
