i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
