Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
