oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
did i walk over a car last night?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
