SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
