you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
