What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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