the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
