Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
