The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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