Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
