how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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