you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
