im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Randomize
