He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
