everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
