She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
