YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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