You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
