please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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