That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
