Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
