The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
