I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
