just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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