I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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