he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Fuck appropriateness.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
