I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize