U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
