Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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