Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize