i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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