She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
