8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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