Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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