She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize