we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
