and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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