i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize