Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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