Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
