What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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