just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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