Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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