we have pet lesbian snakes
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
