State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
